killing me softy

I really don’t know how to react on the things happening to my world. Although I am his girlfriend and I should have build trust around this relationship but still I can’t avoid this burning feeling deep inside me.

When he wrote something about that girl, I remained silent and didn’t react on it because all I was thinking is… it’s just his way of promoting and inviting his peers to leave a comment in his blog. For almost a hundred times, I’ve read the article, and unknowingly every time I read it, insecurity seems to grow. I hate the feeling because in my entire life I’ve really never felt this way.

“She speaks very well, she writes very well, she thinks very well and all the wells that you could ever imagine.” Those were the words he used to describe that girl. Based on the article and basing on the sentence alone that girl must be and undeniably amazing.

Every day I didn’t notice that I was looking forward to surf the net just to check who will leave a comment in his featured article and reading through the comments, his friends and schoolmates were teasing them together.

Curiously, I’ve learned to explore the content of his site without knowing that through clicking the mouse, I’ll reach the girl’s blog. Yes, he is right, the girl really writes well. In fact, I had a great time reading her articles. It was like reading a piece of chapter in her life.

But there was a certain article which caught up my attention. It was all about her first Valentine and birthday gift (Forevermore) this year. It states there that she had a friend who plays the piano for her at the backstage in the tune of “Forevermore”. She was grateful because they had the same favorite song and her friend fulfilled the dream of playing a grand piano.

My heart starts to beat fast because I know she was referring to my boyfriend.
I can’t forget one night my boyfriend told me that at last, he played a grand piano together with a friend which they both enjoy.
It felt like I was solving a jigsaw puzzle and I’ve realized that the “friend” he was referring to that night, was the girl he used to describe on his featured article.

My mouth was still mute. No words can come out, instead thoughts of many things is running through my brain. And every time I can think of something, it felt like it’s killing me softly. Maybe because they were schoolmates and I can’t hide the fact that there is possibility that they’ll cross their way, exchange smiles and greetings to each other. Of course I know that is just a normal way of having friends but not after that article… not after that post. I am pretty sure his schoolmates as well as his instructors were teasing them. Gahd! He is a certified blogger and not just that, he is one of the well-known students in their school.

At this point, I am afraid…afraid of losing the love of my life because I know his one way to stop the rumors is to join with the flow.

I don’t know what he’s feeling right now… what’s his real purpose and what factor urge him to write something about the girl.
I don’t know what’s really going on there… while I’m here… keeping my silence, sitting and writing something.